Toni Morgan Critique
Toni Morgan covered the historical San Diego Pride 2019 event in “A Very Special Pride Salute.” Her unbiased and informative voice feeds the reader with the “5 Ws” in the first paragraph. Toni really shines when it comes to word economy and detail, for example “Black transgender performing artist Mila Jam sang the National Anthem as an all-transgender veteran honor guard presented the colors,” is efficient in anchoring the reader in scene and place. The imagery and subtext was deep considering the current issues we are facing. Another strong moment was when she informs the reader “…the Parade had a four-ship F-15 flyover from the 144th Fighter Wing, Fresno, CA, to honor the transgender service members currently serving…” towards the ends which speaks to her optimism.
At the risk of being perceived as nitpicking, there were only two instances where I was out of story:
The 50th anniversary of Stonewall reference took me out of the story, since it caused me to pause and recall this event. Perhaps a popup or callout could work.
LGBTQIA+ reference took me out of story because it was a long acronym/abbreviation.
Perhaps there is a whiff of hypercritical stink but Toni’s work was strong and compact so I felt compelled to provide some constructive feedback to make it stronger. I would have also liked to see a link or reference to a specific San Diego Pride press release since Toni quoted it on occasion.
I am interested to read more of Toni’s work considering the short word count. She had me wanting more afterwards. I got the feeling that the mood of the San Diego Pride event was accepting, joyous and inviting even against the tense backdrop of a nation at odds.